I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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