i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Randomize
