You really coming over, don't trick.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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