Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
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