walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
