Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
