Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
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