I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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