After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
where are you?
Hypothermia
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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