I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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