SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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