Duck Duck Cougar?
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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