idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
