We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
We left the knife in your bed.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
