2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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