Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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