That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
