Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
So much Jack, so little girl.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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