so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
