just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
