i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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