I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
