I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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