Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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