so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
