meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Randomize
