I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Randomize
