also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
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