Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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