Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Randomize
