How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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