they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
