You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
