I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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