Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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