went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
