If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
