She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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