I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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