i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
