3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
