I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
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