I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
