Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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