I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
