I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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