I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
