i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you