I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
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Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
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Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink