Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!