Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
