i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
