I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
