So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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