After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
