i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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