If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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