You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
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