So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
