I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
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i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
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Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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