On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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