OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
