respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
