The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
