Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
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