wrigley field is MILF paradise
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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