You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
