I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
