There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
