so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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