ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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