Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
